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    August 26

    夏逝

    半夜无聊,爬起来上网。初衷是找找旅行社,查查机票的信息。不过距离10月太遥远似乎消息都不可靠。
    再翻翻别人的页子,逛到这我想留点什么。
    很久没用MSN了,这个和从事的工作有关。以前公司都比较潮所以大家就用MSN,现在同事们多是QQ联系,我也不怎么开MSN了。
    最近有些心事,其实已经解决但是在我心中仍有疙瘩。我不清楚这是为什么,虽然在当天几个小时内我就觉得我放下了,但是还是有种情绪隐隐作痛。可能我只是感冒了。
    某天在4楼和校长、小绿开茶话会,听她们讲“春天的故事”和什么叫“阴阳怪气的男人”,我有一丝顿悟。有些人的暧昧来自一种习惯而不是感情,有些人的联络只是因为寂寞。我想我接收到一些错误的信息,而事实上是我被迷惑了且一厢情愿。我以为找到了同类,但是同类却目标异类。
    现在,不知道如何再恢复到单纯的关系,因为我还是不相信自己会判断错误。我太自信了。
    本来我就想在夏天结束这些纠结不清的事情,拖到了秋天。还好没有入冬,我很佩服自己的直率。当时我只觉得一直闷在心中,可能以后会后悔,但是结果让我分不清如此做了是否更后悔。不能明白一个人的心思是多么无力,当知道了却还是怀疑。
    我真是不太相信他人的人。
     
    夏天过去,留下一些淡淡的回忆。其实从春天开始,我就在编织回忆,这场梦做的太久让我很累。
    在得知结果前,我恐惧过,不是为否定的答案,而是想象肯定的话,怎么办。或许我什么也没准备好,或许我自己也不知道自己想要的是什么答案,我只是一个喜欢追逐目标的猎人。得到会放弃,失去会惋惜。
    又一年,我想象不出多少个夏天,我如此闷闷不乐。

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